Sexual pleasure is a gift. We can enjoy this gift by ourselves or by sharing it in a reciprocal way. As many women complain that they do not have satisfactory sexual relations, I wonder if you know exactly what pleasures you and how to guide your lover to pleasure you the way you want and need to be pleasured. In a culture in which sexual pleasure has demonized, just like all things sexual, there is a phobia to experience pleasure. Those who experience it often times live in shame and experience loads of guilt. Those who openly embrace, live and accept their pleasure are often signaled out and condemned. But pleasure is nothing to be ashamed of. 
 
An important way to find your pleasure is to learn your body. And a very pleasurable, helpful and essential way to find your pleasure is through masturbation. So indulge and give yourself permission to touch yourself in different ways, in different positions, applying different levels of pressure, in different parts of your body. 

 
Exercise: Find a private and quiet place and a comfortable position. Relax by breathing and visualizing your glorious self in total bliss. Make sure the room is the right temperature, the right lighting and that you will enjoy total privacy. Slowly, get rid of your clothes and pay attention to how you feel when you do. This exercise is about exploration and discovery. Do it slowly, in peace and with an open mind. If you feel shame or guilt during this experience, replace those thoughts with the affirmation “I deserve sexual pleasure”, and continue. If you need to pause, it is OK. Whatever you feel, it is OK. If you feel that touching your lips slightly feels good, enjoy it! If touching a part of your body makes you feel uneasy, move on to the next part. Touch all parts of your body before reaching your genitals. Caress yourself with love, compassion, lust and openness.  Once you are aroused, do more of what feels pleasurable and give in to the wonderful sensations you are experiencing. Breathe, moan, growl, laugh, scream…it is OK. Abandon yourself in the waves of joy of your own pleasure and own it. Do this often and never cease to try to find new ways of pleasuring yourself. Use your hands at first so you get to know your body without any assistance until you master your pleasure. 
 
Your body is beautiful and it is a wonderful gift. When you know your pleasure you can live it and share it. Your sexual pleasure is a gift and it’s also your right!

Photo: In her own time, Jim Young, www.obsessionart.com

Your clitoris is a wonderful thing! Did you know that the clitoris is the only organ in the human body that has been designed only for sexual pleasure? The clitoris has about 8,000 nerve endings, in contrast with 4,000 nerve endings of the male penis. It has a prepuce (hood made of skin that covers it) and it has a glans (a head) and some call it the female penis. In essence, both penis and clitoris are the same, except that the clitoris does not share functions (like the penis that shares the function of urinating and  being the instrument for sex). The clitoris could be the most sensitive part of your body and it works in conjunction with other nerve endings to give you massive pleasure. The vast majority of women experience orgasm through the stimulation of the clitoris.


 

Exercise: find a comfortable place and a hand mirror. Focus on finding your clitoris. What do you see? Is it hidden or is it protrude? Can you stimulate it so it is aroused? See how it changes and engorges during arousal. Can you see how your whole vulva changes when you stimulate your clitoris? 
 
Your clitoris is there with the only purpose of giving you pleasure. You can access it anytime you want and use it alone, stimulate it with toys, with a partner, orally, digitally, or to use it in any way you want. It is ok to touch it, play with it and use it to your pleasure; that’s what it’s there for!

Photo: Graceful Beauty by Jim Young http://www.obsessionart.com/product.asp?currency=USD&cat_id=PHO&pf_id=JY_JYC028&jump=8

I am asked this question often: what is the most important sex organ? The answer is the human brain. Your brain controls all impulses, functions, sensations and processes of all organs in your body, including your sexual organs. The clitoris, for instance, although has been designed solely for our sexual pleasure, cannot function without the brain. If you feed yourself negative thoughts about sex, your clitoris will not be able to save you. If you carry a lot of shame and guilt about sex, all the stimulation to your genitalia in the world will not bring you to orgasm. So it is very important that you   feed your brain good sexual content and that way you will ensure your sexual empowerment.

Exercise: The first exercise I want you to do is: Feed yourself daily with positive thoughts about sex. Instead of feeding yourself shame and guilt, feed yourself messages about how important sex is in our lives. God made us sexual beings. Sex is the gateway to life. Sex one of the most pleasurable things you can experience. Sex is natural, healthy, fun, and sacred. 
        
The second exercise I want you to do is feed your brain good content about sex and human sexuality. Read book such as For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality by Lonnie Garfield Barbach, The New Latina’s Bible by Sandra Guzman and The Ripple Effect: How Better Sex Can Lead to a Better Life by Dr. Gail Saltz.  Get the facts from science, medicine and experts in human sexuality and human behavior. Get to know your body functions and understand your reproductive system and sexual organs. There is a purpose for our bodies having been designed the way they have. Seek higher knowledge and understanding of your body and you will be sexually empowered. And do not stop to seek this knowledge as it will lead you to sexual freedom.