Recently, I received a question from a reader: she can only reach an orgasm using a shower wand. Many women complain of having trouble reaching an orgasm. The vast majority of these women can reach an orgasm but not with a partner. The problem (as perceived by these women) is not that they cannot reach an orgasm through regular intercourse, which is true for the vast majority of women; the problem is that these women can only reach an orgasm in one way. Usually, the orgasm involves objects, such as toys, or a certain position. For these women, the inability to reach an orgasm in any other way and especially during intercourse or sexual play with a partner causes them frustration. Often times I am asked “how can I orgasm?” 
 
Many women become "efficient" in reaching an orgasm in a certain way, thus making it hard to reach it otherwise. The issue, believe it or not, is mostly mental. When the brain gets used to the response, it gets "set" on it. Therefore, next time you have sex, you "block" any other way of reaching orgasm. 
  

You can learn to reach orgasm in other ways but it will require that you de-program yourself from how you orgasm already to learn new ways of climaxing. 
 
Some advice:


1.   Relax: Stop concentrating on coming and enjoy the experience during sex. 
  
2.   Self-pleasure: Masturbateto explore and learn more about your body and pleasure zones. Instead of rushing through masturbation to reach orgasm, focus on finding out what else pleasures you. This will take time. Be patient.
 
 3.   Clear up your mind: Do not make sex about “coming… coming…coming… can't come… will not come… OMG-won't ever come!” Stay positive and say to yourself that you will be open to new things and the pleasure of sex.
 
4.   Be open-minded: Try many approaches, for instance, watching some porn or reading erotica before the act. Use your imagination and let your partner use his or hers. There are many toys and clitoral stimulators in the market to help you.
 
5.  Discover all the different types of orgasms: Different orgasms feel differently and many women  fail to recognize them because they only credit the clitoral orgasm as such. Women have the capability of coming in many ways. Try to ejaculate, for instance. 
  
6.   Warm up: Make sure you are very aroused during the act. If you have "orgasm anxiety", you are not going to be fully aroused during the act. So, again, relax and let your whole body be aroused, not just your clitoris.
 
7.   It’s not over until it’s over: Sex does not have to end when your partner comes. In fact, sex can be foreplay for orgasm. So if you want to reach one (or many) orgasms, continue to play – with yourself and/or assisted - until you are done. Don’t think you have to come before or at the same time your partner comes. And your partner should be able to be a willing and active participant in your orgasm even after he or she has climaxed.  
 
 
Remember that the most important sex organ is the brain. Do not get on its way! Of course, if orgasm continues to be a difficulty, you should get professional assistance from a sexologist so you can be coached into reaching orgasms in many ways.

Photo: http://homeguides.sfgate.com/DM-Resize/photos.demandstudios.com/getty/article/189/230/57443043.jpg?w=600&h=600&keep_ratio=1

Your clitoris is a wonderful thing! Did you know that the clitoris is the only organ in the human body that has been designed only for sexual pleasure? The clitoris has about 8,000 nerve endings, in contrast with 4,000 nerve endings of the male penis. It has a prepuce (hood made of skin that covers it) and it has a glans (a head) and some call it the female penis. In essence, both penis and clitoris are the same, except that the clitoris does not share functions (like the penis that shares the function of urinating and  being the instrument for sex). The clitoris could be the most sensitive part of your body and it works in conjunction with other nerve endings to give you massive pleasure. The vast majority of women experience orgasm through the stimulation of the clitoris.


 

Exercise: find a comfortable place and a hand mirror. Focus on finding your clitoris. What do you see? Is it hidden or is it protrude? Can you stimulate it so it is aroused? See how it changes and engorges during arousal. Can you see how your whole vulva changes when you stimulate your clitoris? 
 
Your clitoris is there with the only purpose of giving you pleasure. You can access it anytime you want and use it alone, stimulate it with toys, with a partner, orally, digitally, or to use it in any way you want. It is ok to touch it, play with it and use it to your pleasure; that’s what it’s there for!

Photo: Graceful Beauty by Jim Young http://www.obsessionart.com/product.asp?currency=USD&cat_id=PHO&pf_id=JY_JYC028&jump=8

Women have been blessed with many types of orgasms and the ability to orgasm multiple times (unlike most of our male counterparts). If you are able to recognize the differences between the types of orgasms you may experience or have experienced already, you will discover a whole new world of enjoyment and pleasure. Some women can orgasm by using their brain (some without even being touched!); others can orgasm by the stimulation of different spots inside the vagina during intercourse, while others can reach an orgasm by the stimulation of the clitoris, nipples, skin, lips, ears, neck, back, etc., etc., etc. Although many women, probably most, experience strong orgasms through the stimulation of the clitoris, many can orgasm when they perform anal sex, for instance. And, of course, there is also the sometimes elusive G-spot! Here is an article I wrote about some types of female orgasm. Experiment and pay attention to your body as you explore and play with yourself and/or with your partner to see how many types of orgasms you can experience. You may be surprised!

Pictures: www.freedigitalphotos.net

http://www.mamiverse.com/10-female-orgasm-types-15669/