Recently, I received a question from a reader: she can only reach an orgasm using a shower wand. Many women complain of having trouble reaching an orgasm. The vast majority of these women can reach an orgasm but not with a partner. The problem (as perceived by these women) is not that they cannot reach an orgasm through regular intercourse, which is true for the vast majority of women; the problem is that these women can only reach an orgasm in one way. Usually, the orgasm involves objects, such as toys, or a certain position. For these women, the inability to reach an orgasm in any other way and especially during intercourse or sexual play with a partner causes them frustration. Often times I am asked “how can I orgasm?” 
 
Many women become "efficient" in reaching an orgasm in a certain way, thus making it hard to reach it otherwise. The issue, believe it or not, is mostly mental. When the brain gets used to the response, it gets "set" on it. Therefore, next time you have sex, you "block" any other way of reaching orgasm. 
  

You can learn to reach orgasm in other ways but it will require that you de-program yourself from how you orgasm already to learn new ways of climaxing. 
 
Some advice:


1.   Relax: Stop concentrating on coming and enjoy the experience during sex. 
  
2.   Self-pleasure: Masturbateto explore and learn more about your body and pleasure zones. Instead of rushing through masturbation to reach orgasm, focus on finding out what else pleasures you. This will take time. Be patient.
 
 3.   Clear up your mind: Do not make sex about “coming… coming…coming… can't come… will not come… OMG-won't ever come!” Stay positive and say to yourself that you will be open to new things and the pleasure of sex.
 
4.   Be open-minded: Try many approaches, for instance, watching some porn or reading erotica before the act. Use your imagination and let your partner use his or hers. There are many toys and clitoral stimulators in the market to help you.
 
5.  Discover all the different types of orgasms: Different orgasms feel differently and many women  fail to recognize them because they only credit the clitoral orgasm as such. Women have the capability of coming in many ways. Try to ejaculate, for instance. 
  
6.   Warm up: Make sure you are very aroused during the act. If you have "orgasm anxiety", you are not going to be fully aroused during the act. So, again, relax and let your whole body be aroused, not just your clitoris.
 
7.   It’s not over until it’s over: Sex does not have to end when your partner comes. In fact, sex can be foreplay for orgasm. So if you want to reach one (or many) orgasms, continue to play – with yourself and/or assisted - until you are done. Don’t think you have to come before or at the same time your partner comes. And your partner should be able to be a willing and active participant in your orgasm even after he or she has climaxed.  
 
 
Remember that the most important sex organ is the brain. Do not get on its way! Of course, if orgasm continues to be a difficulty, you should get professional assistance from a sexologist so you can be coached into reaching orgasms in many ways.

Photo: http://homeguides.sfgate.com/DM-Resize/photos.demandstudios.com/getty/article/189/230/57443043.jpg?w=600&h=600&keep_ratio=1

Since we are little, girls are told and taught that there is something wrong with our genitalia. To begin, there is no mention about it. Our vulvas are a secret and unspoken “place” that is referred to as “down there”. Well, you know what else is “down there”, according to many? Hell! Yes, for many religions and religious people, hell is also down and under, just like our vulvas and vaginas. So no wonder our vulvas are demonized! 
 
Besides being depicted as to belonging in the same place as hell, our vulvas also need to be exorcised. How? By washing them, bleaching them, deodorizing them, covering them up with pads that trap any odor or fluid and confining them to eternal purgatory. It is time to change that!

 Our vulvas have a distinct smell that is part of what makes this body part unique. Our vulvas do not smell in any particular way. We LEARN how our vulvas smell. We are instructed that our vulvas have a foul or bad odor and we believe this throughout our lives. Therefore, we spend our lives ashamed of our vulvas and particularly the way our vulvas smell, which we try to get rid of at all times. Many women feel proud of the fact that they deodorize and “clean”their vulvas constantly throughout the day. Not only this behavior is  psychologically insane, it is not healthy for our sex organs. 
 
How to take care of your vulva

 1.  Do not use soap: Do not wash your inner vulva with soap or anything that you would not put in
your eyes. Wash the inside of your vulva with just water. That will keep it healthy.

 2. Wear cotton: Wear cotton underwear to allow it to “breathe”. 
 
3. Ditch the pantiliners: Do not wear pantiliners everyday. Reserve the sanitary pads for when you have
your period and for days of spotting. Otherwise, your fluids are not going to hurt your panties!

 4.  Sleep commando: At night, sleep without undies so your vulva can breathe freely. 
 
5.   Avoid tight clothes: Tight jeans and pants can irritate the delicate tissue of your vulva 
and also prevent it from “breathing”. Give it some room to wiggle!

 6.  No deodorizing: Please! Do not use any talc, powders, sprays, lotions, wipes or anything that
claims to “deodorize” your vulva. These products can damage your vulva and vagina, cause infections, irritation and long-term problems. Your vulva does not stink. Leave it alone!

7. She does not need a shower! Do not douche your vagina. The vagina is a self-cleaning organ and does not need your help. Douches can irritate and create infections as they change the pH and healthy bacterial flora necessary for a healthy vagina.

Take care of your vulva by being gentle with it, in thought and action. Ditch the myth that your vulva and vagina are dirty; a healthy vulva and vagina are all you need. Now, sit back and smell your vulva. Enjoy! 


Photo: www.freedigitalphotos.net

As funny as this question may sound, many women-most, I dare to assert-have never seen their genitalia. Of course, for men is easy. Their genitals came showing to the world! In our case, our genitals are concealed and stored in a dark place, far, far away... or so it seems. And because women do not have any encouragement from anybody to explore and get to know our bodies, we go on with our lives not knowing how our vulvas look like.

I encourage you to do this exercise today. What you will need:
1. A mirror- hand mirror or wall mirror are fine.
2. Your glasses- if you wear them.
3. A positive attitude.

Make sure you are in a safe and private place to do this. You are going to need to maneuver and stretch and bend to do this exercise so it is better to do it in a place in which you will feel comfortable. Now, look at your genitalia: it is composed of your mons pubis, labia majora, labia minora, clitoris, the opening of the urethra and the opening of the vagina (in a snapshot). Look at its color and texture. It is supposed to be moist. It has folds and soft skin. It is beautiful, luscious and holds the key to life. Touch it, caress it, smell it, learn it. Stare at it and really explore it. I encourage you to see how it changes when it is aroused and when it is relaxed (the labia swells during arousal and lubrication is more abundant). Tell it how much you value, love, and appreciate her. It is OK if you get aroused by this exercise. It is OK if you feel the urge to masturbate while you are doing it, but I encourage you to continue with your exploration.

What did you discover? Did you see something you had not seen before? Are you surprised by what you found? How did you feel doing this exercise?

Do this exercise on a regular basis. You can even recruit your partner to admire your glory with you. Your vulva is your center, your gate to ecstasy and pleasure. Make her an important part of your life!

Women have been blessed with many types of orgasms and the ability to orgasm multiple times (unlike most of our male counterparts). If you are able to recognize the differences between the types of orgasms you may experience or have experienced already, you will discover a whole new world of enjoyment and pleasure. Some women can orgasm by using their brain (some without even being touched!); others can orgasm by the stimulation of different spots inside the vagina during intercourse, while others can reach an orgasm by the stimulation of the clitoris, nipples, skin, lips, ears, neck, back, etc., etc., etc. Although many women, probably most, experience strong orgasms through the stimulation of the clitoris, many can orgasm when they perform anal sex, for instance. And, of course, there is also the sometimes elusive G-spot! Here is an article I wrote about some types of female orgasm. Experiment and pay attention to your body as you explore and play with yourself and/or with your partner to see how many types of orgasms you can experience. You may be surprised!

Pictures: www.freedigitalphotos.net

http://www.mamiverse.com/10-female-orgasm-types-15669/